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Romance and relationships during teen years with Karen Rayne PhD

My guest today Karen Rayne who has a  PhD is in Educational Psychology. She has been working in education for the past two decades with an expertise in sexuality education. She began working in sexuality education in 2007 by providing comprehensive sexuality education classes for middle school students and human sexuality classes for college students through Psychology departments.

Dr. Rayne is passionate about providing comprehensive sexuality education to people of all ages and stages with sensitivity and a touch of humor. She founded Unhushed in order to expand her educational reach and to open family conversations about sexuality in the home. In addition to providing direct sexuality education to teenagers and adults and writing books, Dr. Rayne writes curriculum and trains sexuality educators in order to expand their skills.

Dr. Rayne’s newest books include GIRL: Love, Sex, Romance, and Being You and Help Your Kids With Adolescence. GIRL, which will be published by the American Psychological Association’s Magination Press, is written as a friendly and accessible guide for older teen self-identified girls as they navigate the tricky waters of emerging sex and sexuality.

In this episode you will learn:

  • Why write a book about girls?
  • How do girls ask someone out on a date?
  • Why would a girl want to be in a relationship?
  • How do teen girls end a relationship?

Why she wrote Girl

  • Share information condensed in one place
  • Includes all people who identify as being a girl
  • Helpful vignettes, additional resources and places for readers to explore

How do girls ask someone out to date:

  • Role-play it
  • Would that person know you are asking them out?
  • How much are you willing to put yourself out on the line?
  • Does the other person like more private invites or extravagant?
  • What is new relationship energy?

Why would a girl want to be in a relationship:

  • Girls have choices
  • Where do you want to be and where you want your life to be
  • Relationships can bring stability, fun, and connection and can take energy and time
  • Have conversations around asexuality and romantic sexual orientations
  • Support for parents in their teenage dating
    • Possible mindset change
    • Daughter can feelings for person whether parent wants them to or not
    • Parents role shifts when daughter is teenager
    • Yes your daughter can be in love with someone

Ending a relationship:

  • Do not do over text UNLESS in emotional or physical risk
  • Not a failure if relationship ends-gaining understanding of what you want/need in a relationship
  • Normal to feel sadness or hurt from ending the relationship
    • Grief can look like more irritability or lower tolerance for conflict
    • Support your daughter in this transition

Additional tips:

  • [spp-tweet tweet=”Increasing empathy is the base of everything-Karen Rayne PhD”]
  • Practice self-awareness to gain deeper understanding of your values, what you want in relationships, in your life (for both parents and teen daughters)
  • Trusting themselves to follow through with what they are discovering about themselves
  • Listening to their intuition

Karens’s Information



Book (disclaimer this is affiliate link):

Help Your Kid with Adolescence

Girl: Love, Sex, Romance, and Being You

Breaking the Hush Factor: Ten Rules for Talking to Teenagers about Sex