Today’s episode is a meditation called Loving Kindness or Metta Bhavana. It is a method of developing compassion. It comes from the Buddhist tradition, but it can be adapted and practiced by anyone, regardless of religious affiliation; loving-kindness meditation is essentially about cultivating love. It is unconditional; it does not depend on whether one “deserves” it or not; it is not restricted to friends and family; it extends out from personal categories to include all living beings. There are no expectations of anything in return. This is the ideal, pure love, which everyone has within them. We begin with loving ourselves, because if we don’t love and acceptance ourselves, it is difficult to extend it to others. Loving kindness is without any desire to possess another. It is not a sentimental feeling of goodwill, not an obligation, but comes from a selfless place. It does not depend on relationships, on how the other person feels about us. There are five groups or areas you focus on during this meditation: yourself, a benefactor, a beloved friend or family member, a neutral person and a difficult person. Use three to four phrases with each person.
In this episode you will learn:
- Guided meditations can help manage anxiety
- Loving Kindness Meditation cultivates compassion
- Can do this guided meditation in stages
How to do it
I am giving examples of phrases that you can use, or you can create your own to use, in the meditation.
Some examples of phrases you repeat are:
- May I be free from inner and outer harm and danger.
- May I be safe and protected.
- May I be free of mental suffering or distress.
- May I be healthy and strong.
- May I be free from danger.
- May I be happy.
- May I be free from suffering.
- May my mind be healed.
- May I make friends with my body.
- May I dwell in peace.
- May I be at ease.
- May I be free from pain.
After trying out different phrases, settle on three or four that express your intention to cultivate kindness and wellwishes toward yourself and others (Remember, as you begin this practice, feel free to adjust any phrase that’s not working for you.)
Traditionally, lovingkindness phrases are directed at five different groups of people. When you are beginning to do this practice it is okay to begin with just you. You can build your meditation to include all five groups of people. Below is the order in which they’re usually taught.
Body Position
One of the aims in this meditation is to feel good, so make your posture relaxed and comfortable. Close your eyes. Sit comfortably with your feet flat on the floor and your spine straight. Relax your whole body. Keep your eyes closed throughout the whole visualization and bring your awareness inward. Without straining or concentrating, just relax and gently follow the instructions.
Begin to focus around the solar plexus, your chest area, your “heart center”. Breathe in and out from that area, as if you are breathing from the heart center and as if all experience is happening from there. Anchor your mindfulness only on the sensations at your heart center.
Breathing in and out from the heart center, begin by generating this kind feeling toward yourself. Feel any areas of mental blockage, self-judgment, or self-hatred. Then drop beneath that to the place where you care for yourself, where you want strength and health and safety for yourself.
Sending Loving-Kindness to Yourself
First, repeat the phrases, directing them at yourself. Some people may feel that others are more worthy of their loving thoughts. Other people find it hard to be kind to themselves because they’ve become their own harshest critics, which only serves to increase their suffering and sadness. If you struggle with negative judgments about yourself, remember your mind is soft and changeable. This means that you can transform it from critic to ally. Begin to fill your mind with thoughts of kindness, friendliness, and love for yourself. Repeat your phrases even if they don’t feel genuine at first. They will begin to transform your heart and mind.
Repeat the following phrases, outloud or silently:
- May I be happy
- May I be free from suffering
- May I be safe and protected
- May I dwell in peace
Say the phrases again to yourself
Sending Loving-kindness to a benefactor
After a time, begin to direct your phrases to someone for whom you feel deep gratitude. They can be alive or someone who has passed.
Repeat the following phrases, outloud or silently:
- May you be happy
- May you be free from suffering
- May you be safe and protected
- May you dwell in peace
Say the phrases again as you continue to visualize that person in you mind and heart.
Sending Loving-Kindness to a beloved friend or family member
Then, direct your phrases to a person you love unconditionally, but with whom you may occassionally have a conflict. This distinguishes the Benefactor from the Beloved Friend or Family Member. Silently say the person’s name or bring an image of his or her face to mind.
Repeat the following phrases, outloud or silently:
- May you be happy
- May you be free from suffering
- May you be safe and protected
- May you dwell in peace
Say the phrases again as you continue to visualize that person in you mind and heart.
Sending Loving-Kindness to Neutral People
Now think of a someone you don’t know very well and toward whom you do not have any particular feeling, such as your mail carrier, coffe house barista. You and this person are alike in your wish to have a good life.
Send all your wishes for well-being to that person, repeating the following phrases, silently:
- May you be happy
- May you be free from suffering
- May you be safe and protected
- May you dwell in peace
Say the phrases again as you continue to visualize that person in you mind and heart.
Sending Loving-Kindness to a difficult person
Finally, direct your phrases to a person whose name alone can give rise to anger in you or wanting to avoid thinking of them. It’s best not to start with someone who might stir up a lot of painful emotions, so begin with a person who doesn’t pose a great difficulty for you. He or she could be a family member or friend with whom you have repeated conflicts, or even a public figure with whom you disagree.
To make it easier to practice with the difficult person, you might begin by reflecting on how this person, like you, wants to be happy and at peace.
- May you be happy
- May you be free from suffering
- May you be safe and protected
- May you dwell in peace
Take a deep breath in. And breathe out. And another deep breath in and let it go. Notice the state of your mind and how you feel after this meditation.
When you’re ready, you may open your eyes.
As you continue your practice you can expand your focus to all living beings. You start with your city or community, move to your state, your country and then the world.
Sending Loving-Kindness to all living beings
Now expand your awareness and picture the whole globe in front of you as a little ball.
Send warm wishes to all living beings on the globe, who, like you, want to be happy:
- Just as I wish to, may you be happy, free from suffering, be safe and protected, and dwell in peace.
- Just as I wish to, may you be happy, free from suffering, be safe and protected, and dwell in peace.
- Just as I wish to, may you be happy, free from suffering, be safe and protected, and dwell in peace.
I hope this practice brings peace to you, your daughter and your family.