How to create healthy boundaries in relationships

Today’s episode is all about boundaries, what they are, or limit setting, tips for setting them and why they are important for teen girls and parents. Each week I discuss boundaries with my adult and teen girl clients. There are many myths about what a boundary is and misunderstandings on how to set them.

In this episode you will learn:

  • What is a boundary
  • Tips to set them
  • Healthy vs unhealthy 

    Boundaries

    • What you like or don’t like
      • You knowing your values, beliefs and emotions
      • You have the right to be yourself
      • Feel more secure in who you are
    • You are responsible for your choices/behaviors not for another persons
    • You can’t set a boundary and take care of another person’s emotions
    • If you are getting frustrated or angry often then it is probably time to set a boundary
    • You may feel discomfort when setting a boundary, but will stop feeling resentment from not setting boundaries
    • Boundaries help hold others accountable for their behaviors
    • Brene Brown speaks about how boundaries helped her become a more compassionate person
    • Boundaries are important for your well-being and the health of your relationships
    • Boundaries stop triangulation
      • Triangulation is person A and person B have a conflict and person A tells person C and wants person C to be on their side and talk to person B.

    Tips in setting boundaries

    • Begin setting a boundary with someone you feel safe and secure with using assertive communication (episode 23 I spoke about assertive comm)
    • Boundary setting is a practice and others may not like your new boundaries
    • Friends and family may challenge your new boundaries
    • Example-teen daughter is being spoken to harshly or put down, she can tell person she doesn’t deserve to be spoken to that way and will walk away if person continues
    • If you don’t follow through with your boundary, then you are incongruent and can decrease others trusting you
    • Can’t make others change and can only change/control yourself

    What are healthy boundaries

    • Trusting your intuition and open to hear other people’s opinion
    • Have outside hobbies and projects
    • Have a schedule but are flexible
    • Allow yourself to feel your emotions
    • Compromise and negotiate in a calm manner
    • Everyone has a right to have secrets
    • Know that you have choices
    • You are enjoying and thriving in your life

    Book recommendations (some maybe affiliates):

    Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

    Boundaries with Teens by Dr. John Townsend

    The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown

    I invite you to sign up for my newsletter because I have some upcoming announcements for teen girls and for mothers.

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