To listen to audio only or download click the podcast player below

This was originally published on March 28, 2020 on Soulfilled Sisterhood podcast.

Some highlights from this episode-Parenting during Coronavirus:

• If your child doesn’t have a specific time to start online school let them sleep in some
• Let go of “doing it all” especially if you are working from home
• If have younger child(ren) shift your expectations around their education requirements
  • Emotional Support and love most important right now
  • Home Schooling is not a full 8 hour day
• Look at starting or restarting family meetings (LYD episode 03 Link)
• For more tips please watch the video or listen to the episode on your favorite podcast player.
• Self-care is important during the Coronavirus
• For full show notes click here

What is imposter syndrome?

Anytime you think are a fake or fraud.

Maybe you have had thoughts of  “who am I to be sharing my writing with the world?” or “Who am I to share my expertise?”

Imposter Syndrome impacts both genders and can occur at any age.

Why? Because when you are getting out of your comfort zone, going toward a dream or goal you want to achieve in your life, the naysayer or inner critic or whatever you name that voice that tells you that you aren’t enough…you know you are stretching yourself.

For any of my mom’s watching who have an adolescent daughter, you may remember episode 6 on Launching Your Daughter podcast I share Amy Cuddy’s book called Presence: Bringing your Boldest Self to your Biggest Challenges. She discussed how imposter syndrome has impacted everyone at some point in time in their life and is across demographics. One aspect I love so much about this book is her emphasis on the body/mind connection. How when we have more awareness of how our bodies feel we are more present. She shares various power stances in the book to help you feel more empowered in your body, which can shift your emotions.

This is what I help with for teen girls and women I see in my practice. I help them pause more to gain more awareness of how their minds and bodies are connected. How when they are stretching themselves, trying something new, changing careers, starting a family, that self-doubt and worry will occur, it is normal, and that as they continue to embrace their new behaviors their mindset begins to follow. You are seeing yourself as the person you want to become. You are taking action vs getting stuck in the worry loop.

It is completely normal to feel like an imposter at times in your life. Know that you are making changes the feel uncomfortable and as you embrace the discomfort you are growing. You are learning more about you.

Action:

Write down a time in your life you felt outside your comfort zone.

What did you do that helped you through those moments of doubts or fears?

Who was your support system?

What did you do for self-care?

Do you struggle with worrying and have a behavior to relieve the emotion, but it no longer serves you? You may have developed a worry loop pattern that is now a habit.

You may be predisposed to anxiety or worry due to family genetics. (Have your parents or grandparents been diagnosed with a mental health issue?) Or maybe you have had multiple traumas in past that has impacted you managing your worries.

Our brains are wired to go to the negative.

You can’t change the triggers or the emotions that arise within you, but you can change your behavior. 

You will need to engage the prefrontal cortex to learn a new behavior/new coping skill.

Example of a loop:

You feel nervous about an upcoming test or speech, so you bite my nails. You bite my nails to relieve the nervousness. You feel calm for a few seconds or minutes, have another thought about the upcoming event, bite your nails again, it relieves the feeling, and you do the behavior again until nail-biting becomes the habit when you feel nervous or anxious.

To interrupt the loop:

First, you have to notice the feeling (I.e. where in your body do you feel the emotion)

Second choose a different behavior to change the loop, such as squeeze a stress ball.

Another behavior option is using this mindfulness approach. Notice and observe your surroundings-what colors do you see, what sounds do you hear, what smells do you smell, what textures do you feel and what do you taste. All of this brings you into the present moment. The only moment you have is the present one.

As your practice interrupting your old worry feedback loop you may feel more discomfort at first. As you practice your new behavior, or where you place your focus, you are creating a new neurological pathway in your brain. The saying is what wires together fire together. You are changing that path and engaging the prefrontal cortex.

Having self-compassion for yourself as you change habits is vital. Give yourself a mental high five for taking this brave step in taking back control over your life. Whether you have to do that new behavior once or twenty times or more that day. You are taking the step in reclaiming your life.

As you practice new behavior you may notice your confidence begins to increase in believing you are capable of stopping the worrying.

No matter where you are right now with this loop in order to change it you need to take ACTION. Anxiety (or what I call self-doubt or fearful thoughts-fear gremlins) do not like when you take action. Practicing sitting meditation, walking meditation, exercising, journaling, all of those mindfulness behaviors are you taking action to change the feedback loop.