Over the years I have had various pieces of advice given to me from being a female, what it is like growing up, what to do in relationships, how to communicate, and more. Below is some tips mothers would like their daughters to know.

1. If someone tells you that you can’t do something because you’re a girl do it anyway, and do it better.
2. Your weight does not define you.
3. A smile is your best accessory.
4. It’s okay to like pink things and play with toy trucks at the same time. They are not mutually exclusive.
5. You will always remember your first love, so choose wisely.
6. Meet someone who makes you laugh so hard your stomach and cheeks hurt.
7. Be gentle with other people’s feelings. Everyone is fighting their own battle.
8. Don’t waste your life gossiping about other people. You have so many more interesting and helpful things to talk about.
9. Inner beauty is so much more important than outer beauty. Sometimes people’s best qualities are things that aren’t as obvious as looks.
10. 10.Don’t compare yourself to others-it steals your joy.
11. 11.Your light shines brighter now when you try to blow other girls’ lights out.
12. 12.If people are talking about you, you know you are not boring!
13. 13.Your lines show your life, your persona. Smile!
14. 14.Enter and stay in a relationship for the right reasons.
15. 15.Most fairy tales were written by men.

Create your own life

No matter what advice you are given as an adult woman or teenage girl, it is your life and you are responsible for the choices you make in it. To all of the women who have come before us and blazed the trails, thank you for your courage, strength, and advice.

Mothers and fathers when your depression or anxiety symptoms begin to impact your daily living here are some tips on taking care of yourself and informing your daughter of the changes.

Depression makes a noticeable difference

You can’t pretend everything’s OK when it’s not. If your depression has you napping more than usual, or not doing the things you usually enjoy, chances are those around you recognize that something is wrong, even if they haven’t said anything. If you experience anxiety, your daughter has probably noticed that you don’t participate in some activities that her friends’ mothers seem to embrace.

Unanswered questions can create anxiety

It’s natural for your daughter to have questions about what you’re experiencing and why. She may wonder whether she did something wrong or whether you’ll harm yourself. If she doesn’t have answers, she may invent them — and her imagination may be much worse than the reality.

Acknowledge her observations

When depression causes you to change your routines or anxiety affects your choices, letting your daughter know what is going on may help ease her worries by keeping her from imagining the worst.

Be supportive

Assure your daughter that what is happening to you is not her fault and that you still love her. Tell her that she should feel free to share her concerns and that you will try to answer her questions as well as you can.

Be honest — and balanced

You’ll want to walk the line between answering your daughter’s questions and not giving her more information than she can handle. A lot will depend on her age maturity level. If she’s a teen, you can talk about your moods. If she’s very young, she may only need to know that sometimes you need to rest.

Reach out for resources

If you’re not sure how much to tell your daughter, your therapist can give you some tips. You may also want to consider getting some counseling for your daughter, so she has a safe space to share her concerns and feelings.

Mothers raising a teenage daughter can be a blessing and be frustrating at times. Below are some reminders in supporting your relationship with her and for yourself as she becomes a young adult. How to balance her pulling away and yet still needing you. You want her to be a confident and self-assured young woman at the same time remembering you are more than a mom. You are a woman and have other roles as a partner, friend, daughter and/or sister, so your needs are important too.

Know what’s normal

Understand that adolescents are hardwired to leave the nest. As your daughter explores the edges of her independence, try not to take her behavior personally. Some rebelliousness is to be expected.  Autonomy is normal during this stage

Set realistic limits

Of course, you want to keep your daughter safe. Misbehavior, such as underage drinking, should have consequences, but you can’t veto every romantic relationship or every fashion choice. At this stage, your role is more about influence than control.  Role modeling is key

Respect boundaries on both sides

Give your daughter the freedom to fail and learn from her experience. Listen without shaming or judging when she wants to share, but don’t intrude. On the other hand, be open and honest with her, but also remember that she’s not your support system. You need to speak to other adults for you.

Keep communication open

Being clear about the rules you do set makes it easier to enforce them when necessary. Being open to hearing about any topic makes it easier for your daughter to come to you for guidance. This is especially important as she deals with peer pressure and sorts out her own values. Seek to understand and stay curious.

Understand her emotions—and yours

Raging adolescent hormones may be behind some of your daughter’s moods and behaviors. If you’re in perimenopause, they may be behind yours, too. Don’t underestimate the impact of any grief you may be feeling when you think of your daughter leaving home or other feelings that may make this time challenging for you. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions and find coping skills that work in managing them.

Rock your self-care

Reconnect with your own hopes and dreams. Filling your time with something you’re passionate about will make it easier for you to transition when your daughter is no longer under your roof. Until then, it models healthy behavior for her. Your girlfriends can be a great source of support and fun, and your daughter will see the benefits of having healthy relationships with other women. A support system is important for mothers/women.

I have heard this often over the years with the mothers I worked with, “Nicole I don’t have time to exercise or have quiet time for me.” Whether your daughter (or son) is one week old or in their 20’s and living at home, you have to take time for you. It is not being selfish when you do self-care. When you are overwhelmed, exhausted or just plain tired, you do not have any energy to be fully present with your child(ren) and/or partner. When you are exhausted and don’t give yourself permission to rest or go have some fun, you are more irritable with others and then will feel bad about yourself because you yelled at your child or partner. It is also role modeling to your daughter or son that you are more than a mom. I invite you to chose at least one of these tips and do it today.

Take time-outs

Sure, it’s easier said than done — but it’s not impossible. Even small chunks of ‘me’ time can help you recharge. Take advantage of naptime to put the baby in a stroller and enjoy a walk. Relax with a cup of coffee while the kids are absorbed in coloring. Read a book chapter, before you turn off the lights. If nothing else fits into your crazy schedule, step into the next room and take a few deep breaths.

Ask for help

If you need to take some time for yourself, don’t be afraid to leave the kids with your spouse or a sitter for a while. This can give you the time you need to run errands or pamper yourself with a manicure, a massage, or even just a haircut.

Keep the love alive

Whether it’s making time for a date night or just slipping a short love note into your partner’s pocket, rekindling romance can be a great reminder that motherhood is only one of your many roles in life.

Stay connected

Find a few minutes to call or text a friend who knew you before you became a mother.

Follow your bliss

If you had a hobby, keep your hand in it. If not, find something you enjoy doing, if only for a few minutes a day. When you’re with the kids, it’s OK to include activities you enjoy, like crafts, reading, being outdoors or going for ice cream.

Write it down

Journaling can help you stay in touch with your feelings, hopes, and dreams. If you feel like you’re losing your identity, ask yourself whether some of your beliefs and expectations about motherhood might be standing in the way of who you want to be, and what you want from life.

Is your daughter graduating high school this year or within the next couple of years? Here are some steps to prepare her for a successful launch and for you to practice self-care.

Teach her practical skills

You’ll feel a lot more confident sending your daughter off to college when you know she knows how to do laundry, budget for expenses, balance a checkbook, manage her time well, get the right help in an emergency and other basic life skills. Kids who struggle most are the ones whose parents always managed everything for them.

Help her build resilience

Letting her figure out how to solve little problems, like missing the bus, helps build her self-confidence. Teaching her how to cope with small failures, disappoint and losses can give her a stronger foundation for rebounding from the larger hurts that life might throw at her.

Try a dry run

Whether it’s a youth group camp-out or a week long class trip, short periods of independence can help both of you prepare for the day when you drop her off for her first semester.

Let her shine

When you drop her off, remember that it is her moment, her new beginning. Be honest about how much you’ll miss her, but don’t burden her with your anxiety. Remember that your need to be needed should take a back seat to her need to grow into her independence.

Negotiate communication

You and your daughter might want to agree on how often you should call or text. You’ll want to balance being available if she needs you with giving her the privacy she needs to shape her new life.

Be good to yourself

Plan something fun for the day after you drop her off, so the house seems less lonely. Going forward, take the time to get back in touch with your dreams, dive into your hobbies, reconnect with friends you haven’t seen recently and enjoy some quality time with your partner. Be confident that you raised your daughter to handle the college transition, and that you’ve prepared yourself, as well.